I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My balls are so social today.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
