Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
