What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
