he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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