her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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