there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
