Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
