That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
