Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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