she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
