There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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