he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
