New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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