It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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