well you can't waste a boner
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
