Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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