saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
