Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
