just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
