When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i've created a new STD.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
