this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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