I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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