I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
