My friends, they love my intelligence
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
