I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
