Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
