I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
