I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
