Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
