dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
