I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
