ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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