and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's always time for handjobs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
