We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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