So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
