Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
