my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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