Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
