you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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