why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
