Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
