Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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