I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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