dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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