eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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