she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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