At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
