i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
