just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
