This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
