I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
jump out the window naked night went bad
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