Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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