She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
