Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
