yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
