Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
