JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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