you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize