but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
