I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
