if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
