you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
