wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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