I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
