Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
