dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
