So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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