apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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