wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
