there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
