i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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