I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize