We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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