My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
