I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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