the day after is always just damage control
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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