the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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