we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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