my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
