I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
