Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
