ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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