omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize