I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
