@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize