i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
