Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
