I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
love makes seman taste better
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
