Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize