it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
