i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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