You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize