you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
