hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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