whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dicks are not precious.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
