If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
