so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
