More tranny stories later!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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