never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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