Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
