she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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