Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
