I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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