In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i think my cat just said my name.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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