You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize