she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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