i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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