I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You're like the curious george of whores
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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