I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
