i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
