My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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