I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
