Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
