having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
