My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
