This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize