I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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