I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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