He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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